Comments on: "Empathy" – Who's Got It, Who Does Not

By: LLaura

LLaura — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 03:09:22 +0000

Dr. Goleman, I’m so grateful that you wrote those books on Emotional Intelligent, Social Intelligence, etc. I love psichology and I think that in this field of E.I. you have been an “Aristotle”. You have contributed to the promotion of human being by spreading the knowledge of numerous psichologists and helped apply this knowledge to practice in life.
I have read Social Intelligence and am reading Emotional Intelligence.
Now my favourite authors are Luis Rojas Marcos, José María Castillo and you.

By: D. Shandy

D. Shandy — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 22:12:42 +0000

Dr. Goleman -

I am reading Working with Emotional Intelligence and just finished Ch. 7 – Social Radar which is about empathy. Utilizing the highest end of the empathic competencies would seem to be integral for judgement.

As I was reading (ch. 7)you mention “coalitions” several different times. Would you share your definition of “coalitions” in the context in which it is written? I work with local programs that form coalitions to work on achieving policy and other outcomes. I’m always looking for a different way of seeing that process. I think your picture of “coalitions” in ch. 7 is a different pane than mine. I’m interested in your view.

Thanks,

Debra

By: Eds

Eds — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 05:12:02 +0000

@James

It seems like what you could be talking about are boundaries (re: adhere to the law or consistent and logical patterns of behaviour). These are especially important imo, for Aspies, since Aspies may not have the same ability non-Aspies have to sort out emotional behavior that is unwholesome.

I think the difference is that those in the Dark Triad just act. There is no thought to law or rules of behaviour. It’s just “me me me.”

With rules, you – imo, are actually acting with “you and me” in mind. What are you doing, what are they doing, and is what they are doing in alignment to what I am needing/feeling?

Hopefully that makes sense. I think you make a great point too. =)

By: Eliane Geren

Eliane Geren — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 16:48:42 +0000

To Jim Fahey,

I wonder if you’re irritated or puzzled when you read the classifications. It sounds as though you’d like understanding, even if a love connection has been unattainable. Perhaps you also want to protect yourself from judgment and you’d like people to know that one can lack the ability to feel certain feelings, yet not intend to harm others?

To Daniel G. and others,

I’m grateful for your breakdown of “empathy.” The best empathy I’ve experienced falls into the third definition and I rarely find it.

A process developed by the phychologist, Marshall Rosenberg, has helped me develop my empathic ability. See http://www.cnvc.org.

By: Kathleen C

Kathleen C — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 16:30:50 +0000

Response to James Fahey:
Nothing in the post suggests that the lack of love, caring, or compassion for other human beings automatically classifies someone as one of the dark triad, it simply says that none of the dark triad feel compassion.

I would accept that inability to feel these things towards others would disqualify someone from being a judge, just as an inability to understand complex legal documents would do so. I see that ability as being a necessary, but certainly not sufficient, requirement for making decisions that affect the quality of life (and/or death) of millions of human beings.

I’m tone deaf, and so should be disqualified from a job judging musical works. It may not be fair to me, but it wouldn’t be fair to others for me to play that role.

By: James Fahey

James Fahey — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:06:14 +0000

Where does this leave me? – I have Asperger’s (with alexithymia). I’ve never felt love for another human being in all my 35 years but I don’t fit into the ‘triad’ nor am I a misanthrope. Should I really be classified a sociopath or narcissist purely because I am intolerant of people who don’t strictly adhere to the law or consistent and logical patterns of behaviour? Is not there a double standard going on here?

James (Australia)

By: Dennis Kern

Dennis Kern — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 00:00:32 +0000

I found this site after view the “Emotional Learning” report on “The News Hour”.

I have been bringing this same awareness to people by introducing the tools and paths into the intuitive and playful place used by actors and improvisers.

The work is explained in detail on my web site and I could not help but think that the 47 steps of the Workshop section point to the same areas of learning and awareness that you explore in “Emotional Learning”.

By: Ron Hurst

Ron Hurst — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 20:16:17 +0000

Interesting breakdown of empathy. I had never considered it in quite this way although it is a very sensible perspective and explains some behaviors that seem incongruent with empathy especially the empathic component.

By: Dharmendra

Dharmendra — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 02:39:27 +0000

Empathy – as it says that feel the emotion of someone by putting yourself in his shoes. On ear and paper the word sounds to be an excellant tool of counselling and understaning the situation of other; but, in real life it just becomes a formality. One person who has suffered, lost, seduced, molested, looted, robbed, failed, weakened – he himsef only understnds situation. No one can understand his feeling exactly the same as he is even with the best thechniques of empathy. Rather it becomes a mask to express the feelings as othere feel.

By: Tighten Me Up

Tighten Me Up — Tue, 26 May 2009 16:42:49 +0000

Dr. Goleman,

Another powerful post! Thank you for continually offer a fresh perspective.

Best,

Coretta Jackson, MBA
PhD Student-Organization & Management

http://twitter.com/tightenmeup

@tightenmeup